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 Posted: Sat Sep 29th, 2007 12:23 am
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ole
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Bless you and yours, Lorraine. Your story makes me feel good. This is the way it is supposed to work. A mom, a dad, and kids doing something fun and educational together. Can't really get any better than that.

ole



 Posted: Sat Sep 29th, 2007 06:05 am
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cklarson
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Gentlemen,

I have been a Civil War buff since childhood, so I confess a life long interest. And I do meet many men who wish their wives shared theirs. I have 2 suggestions.

1) Quote to your spouse or girlfriend the Jay Leno situation: "Some guys have many wives or girlfriends. I've been married for 27 years to the same woman, but have a gazillion cars." In other words, I believe the moral of the story is that a strong interest in a subject or hobby helps keep spouses happy in their marriages. And as a friend of mine said: "The more interests I acquire, the happier I am." You can only be happy for yourself, by yourself. I have found that happines is meaningful accomplishments and sharing. It's a good rule of thumb for raising kids too. I would also think that if you relate why the CW is meaningful to you, your wives will respect that and support you in it. Sometimes it's really important to verbalize things.

2) Most histories of the Civil War are not written in a way that will interest women. Men want to write the "great war treatise or novel." Women are relational people. They want to read about how things or people relate. I think that's why I hated math but loved computers that relate things. Guys love cars, girls love horses that they can relate to. One of the reasons I wrote my work of fiction South Under a Prairie Sky: The Journal of Nell Churchill, US Army Nurse & Scout, was to write a book that women could relate to, although men like it, too. You can also look at my webpage: "Springing to the Call: A Documentary View of Women in the American Civil War" at http://www.nymas.org -- right sidebar, scroll down. Find a Civil War woman who you think your wife will like and see if you can interest her in her. The CW women are really great and many of their stories and letters are better than the men's. Or research the wives of your favorite generals: Libby Custer, Mrs. S/w Jackson, Mrs. Gen. Barlow, Princess Salm Salm, Nadine Turchin, Mary Bickerdyke, Mrs. Malinda Blalock are all wonderful women. I also highly recommend: http://www.civilwarwomen.blogspot.com which has about 100 CW inspiring biographies, as well as the letters of nurses Katherine Wormeley and Cornelia Hancock, still in print. Or buy and share a dog of the kind that a favorite regiment had, or a bird! The mascot stories are great, too. But I wouldn't recommend a bear, like the Minnesota guys had.

Good luck!
Kay Larson




 Posted: Tue Oct 2nd, 2007 08:18 pm
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MajDoc
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My wifes thinks I am nuts. But she does make almost all of my uniforms and shirts ect.. She is handicaped and can't come out with me anymore. We do camp once in a while but I have to have a good bed for her.

She does say as long as I reenact, it does keep my sanity.

I also help her out in one of her hobbies, quilting , do have a good quilt for cold nights that is 100% hand sewn. Did get a 3rd place at a quilt show, should hav ebeen 1st the people didnt understand what it was.



 Posted: Tue Oct 2nd, 2007 09:54 pm
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ole
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New blood. On the chance that some of you didn't read earlier posts, Dear One get's mightily exasperated about the time I spend online, the money I spend on books, and the occasional inattention to major and minor projects that she would like to see accomplished right goddam now!

On the other hand, I don't shoot golfs (whatever they are), hang around in bars, go out and stay late, or monopolize the TV with sports. She's adjusted. It could be worse. Somewhere around 20 years ago she realized that what she had was what she was gonna get. We've managed to make a doggone fine life around that realization, inasmuch as I also realize that what I have is gonna be about as good as it gets. We do just about as much as we can together. Did I mention that we finally agreed on a movie to go watch?

We are very different people. But we do have our nest from which we do our very different things. Gotta stop now and get dinner ready.

ole



 Posted: Tue Oct 2nd, 2007 11:01 pm
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Johan Steele
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I wake up every morning roll over and look at my wife and know that no matter what I do I'm still wrong and she's still right. Happily married too. See, I'm not quite as evil or as dumb as some say.



 Posted: Tue Oct 2nd, 2007 11:43 pm
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Doc C
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To repeat a previous post Broadfootes book pretty much sums it for me - collecting books had it's advantages, even virtues, over some of the alternatives: booze, gambling, chasing skirts, chasing pants, experimental airplanes - everything, except maybe fishing. In becoming a civil war book collector, Harry is gaining a bit of knowledge, he's home reading the books, he's not catching anything from the books, better yet, he's not giving it to you and he won't leave you for the books. Your marriage is, in fact, secured by the books because Harry knows that if your union flounders, he will have to sell the books and give you half the money. So, you cohorts of collectors, be of good cheer as you step over the stacks in the hall and dust around the shelves. Books ar, by far, the lesser of available evils.
I've always been interested in history, was a history minor in college. Med. school/internship/residency/fellowship/private practice/family pretty much relagated my interest in the civil war to the sidelines except for the occasional reading. With my leaving full time practice, moving up to Maryland and having all my children out of the house over the last 5 years, I've been able to devote my ample free time to my current passions - Civil War/Geneology research. My spouse is extremely supportive as long as I don't discuss subjects more than once. I learned a long time to honor the Johnny Winter blues song - It's my own fault that you treat me the way you do.

Doc C



 Posted: Tue Oct 2nd, 2007 11:58 pm
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ole
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Got a point there, Doc. She might gain custody of the books.

ole



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 Posted: Thu Oct 4th, 2007 02:26 am
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booklover
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Bama46,

If you have to ask, maybe it IS better that you don't. LOL

Best
Rob



 Posted: Fri Oct 19th, 2007 01:09 am
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Fuller
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My hubby of nine years (next week!) married me knowing I kinda liked guy stuff.  Lipgloss shining while shooting guns is my personality.  For the first years of our marriage my CW studies were put on hold.  Several years ago I came across some old photos of me dressed up and I realized I needed it back in my life.  Well not the reenacting but for sure the studying.  He tolerates my book purchases very well.  He loves to see my excitement when I find new info I have been searching for.  It's getting him to go to the sites that is a challenge.  If we travel he likes the tropical and exotic beaches.

"Sorry Honey but I really don't think Sherman fought a battle in Maui."

It's all about the compromise.



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 Posted: Fri Oct 19th, 2007 03:01 am
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Fuller
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I appreciate your kindness Cookie. It's not really the reenacting that I missed as much as the reading part of it I guess. It's much easier for me to pack a book to the park with my kiddos than to sew a dress, find an event and participate. I now particiapate as a spectator. HE did suggest buying a trailor and making a cross country trip as a family on a historical adventure. I'm in heaven with even just the suggestion of it. He does aggree with me in that it is very important to raise our kids with a love of history and a respect for our ancestors. Maybe when the kids are a bit older and he actually sees an event he would join in. I could always use the "Hey, you get a new gun" tactic.



 Posted: Fri Oct 19th, 2007 06:36 am
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ole
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I appreciate your kindness Cookie. It's not really the reenacting that I missed as much as the reading part of it I guess. It's much easier for me to pack a book to the park with my kiddos than to sew a dress, find an event and participate. I now particiapate as a spectator. HE did suggest buying a trailor and making a cross country trip as a family on a historical adventure. I'm in heaven with even just the suggestion of it. He does aggree with me in that it is very important to raise our kids with a love of history and a respect for our ancestors. Maybe when the kids are a bit older and he actually sees an event he would join in. I could always use the "Hey, you get a new gun" tactic.
Frantic whistle blowing. Foul!! Giving the old man the "you get a new gun" thingy is definitely unfair and borderline racist or something like that.Tantalizing the poppa with a new gun must break some sort of constitutional rule somehow. If you can't play fair, Fuller, just go away. Somewhere. Next door? Say hey to the hubby for me.

ole



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 Posted: Fri Oct 19th, 2007 01:46 pm
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younglobo
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The Warden (thats what my grandpa called my grandma for years so i transfered it to my wife) went shooting with me one time and shot a 20 gauge and feel on her cute lil rear. LOL was one of the funniest things i have ever seen.

She used to reenact with me in our early marriage days but seems to think that 3 kids and herself would be hard to fit in one A tent from ages 2 -12 .

 



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 Posted: Fri Oct 19th, 2007 02:22 pm
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younglobo
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Cookie .. dont think it is the space that she is concerned about it is keepin em all corralled and in check while i get to go play at cav camp and she gets to spend a weekend pretty much the same as at home without all of the conveniences.

 



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